Finding Peace
by The Firefaery
Summary: Growing up in the wake of the war between OZ and the Gundam Pilots, Serena is a cold, lonely woman. That is, until she is recruited by the Preventors, people that her father is somehow connected to. There she meets Duo Maxwell, a cocky field agent.
1. Part One The Beginning

Finding Peace  
  
Part One  
  
By: The Firefaery  
  
R Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon or Gundam Wing.  
  
Growing up in the aftermath of the Eve Wars between OZ and the Gundam Pilots, Serena is a cold, lonely woman. That is, until she herself is recruited by the secretive Preventors, a group that her belated father is somehow connected with. There she meets Duo Maxwell, a cocky, easy-going field agent for the Preventors and someone who makes her feel for the first time in her life. When he disappears during a deepcover mission, can she hold herself together long enough to find him?  
  
***  
  
"Is there really a baby in there?" my younger sister Ako asked curiously, closely studying my abdomen, which was covered by my baggy gray sweatshirt. She was a younger version of me, or rather we were both copies of our mother. She had the same tow hair, almost white from her constant play in the sun, with delicate features and high arching eyebrows, and a red bow holding her hair back. Her eyes were a bright cerulean blue that caught your attention immediately when you first met her and for only being seven, she had her own innocent allure that brought her many friends. I often wondered what having close friends as a child would have been like. My own eyes were an opaque blue-gray that many seemed to find disconcerting when I trained them on a particular person. The war created many like me, though I was probably one of the lucky ones.  
  
"Yes, there's a baby in there, but he's very small right now," I answered her in a soft tender voice, placing my right hand over the aforementioned area. Ako was my half-sister, a product of my mother's second marriage. My father died when I was five, a casualty to the fighting among the space colonies and Earth, leaving me with few memories of him, though we had an album of the years we'd been given. I thought of him sometimes, but it was like a dream, a fuzzy recall that would drift out of my reach as the cold reality of the real world returned by some sudden action. When I was younger, it would be the news broadcasts of one more city destroyed, some other child who had lost one parent or both. I realize sometimes how lucky I am to still have my mother. The Romefeller Foundation, or OZ, was a major force during my childhood and teen years.  
  
"How did it get there?" she asked, sitting on the arm of the one chair in my living room while I sat on the couch nearby. I shook my head, not willing to divulge the details of my child's conception to a wide-eyed seven-year-old. When I was fifteen, my mother had met a man, and they had married soon after following a whirlwind love affair, as she liked to joke. This was after the war had ended with the help of the enigmatic Gundam Pilots. As the year rolled around towards my sixteenth birthday, I was oh so proudly presented with a baby sister almost two decades younger than me. Needless to say, little Minako, Ako for short, and I weren't very close, though I did try to spend time with her. At twenty-three and counting it was a hard thing to accomplish, but I set aside a weekend every month or so for Ako to come spend with me.  
  
"I'll tell you when you're older, Ako," I assured her, pretending not to notice the indignant huff she gave at being thwarted in her curious ways. She stuck her tongue out at me, in my mind only affirming my decision to spare her the details.  
  
"Sena, I'm almost eight! I'm practically an adult!" she cried, pouting. I was reminded of the many times I'd used that same expression on my mother. It made me doubly grateful that I was now immune, seeing as how every time I'd used, it had worked. Her personal nickname for me squeezed my heart a little, though. I was born Serenity, but most called me Serena, and a select few Tenshi. As Ako learned to talk, her toddler mouth had trouble with the many syllables and had shortened and changed my first name to Sena.  
  
"Ako, you will be an adult when you realize that there are certain times for questions, and other times for answers," I told her, doing my best to be frustrating and obscure. Apparently I'd picked it up quite well from Sets, because Ako gave a groan and smacked her forehead. Chuckling, I stood and went into the compact kitchen of my London flat, calling behind me. "How about some cocoa?" The agreeing shriek was predictable.  
  
The next night, after seeing Ako safely back to Mother's, I lay in bed staring at my plain white ceiling thinking about my situation. I had no boyfriend, no partner, no husband or close friends. There was always Mother and Ako and, though I didn't think about him much, Geoffrey, Ako's dad. I barely spoke to him, if I could help it. By the time he came around, I was already grown and I didn't have room in my life for a replacement father. The war was over and now was a time to rebuild the lives destroyed and buildings tumbled, but the space in my heart where I'd kept my love for my father was and would always be a crumbling ruin. I rolled over on my still flat stomach, apprehension filling me.  
  
"What am I going to do when the others finds out?" I whispered into the dark, pleading for an answer to my fears. No answer came, and I was thrown back into memories.  
  
When my father died, I had a lot of aggression and confusion built up in my little body, and my grieving mother gave me the only course of release she deemed fit for her daughter. It also helped assure her that I would at least have some protection should London be attacked. She enrolled me in a martial arts class after we moved from my father's homeland in Japan to the distant and unfamiliar England where she came from. Throughout my growing years, and on up through junior high and high school I let it all out on the mat, becoming a reserved and silent figure on the scenes of my peers' society of close knit post-war teens.  
  
Martial arts was where I could be myself. It was a place where I could rage at my father for leaving us, lash out at my mother for letting him die. I could, in my mind's eye, stop the soldiers from killing him and we would still live in Japan as a family. And later on it was where I took my hurt and despair when Geoffrey and Ako came along. My opponents took on the faces of the people I held my anger against, and I was unbeatable. I had a special quality, my sensei said, to bring my awareness to a point, and focus so intensely on the task before me that I could not be stopped until I had reached my goal. It was not unlike the berserkers of the Middle Ages who had to be knocked from their horses and rendered unconscious before their own allies could get near them.  
  
When I graduated from high school, I had no real destination set in my mind. The world was an unstable place, six years after the war and five after the Barton Foundation incident. I wasn't sure about college, even if I'd done relatively well in academics. And I couldn't see myself as some secretary to a rich English business tycoon. The thought made me cringe. I would stifle and shrivel under circumstances like that. To get perspective, as a sort of treat to for me and a remembrance to my father, I went home to find myself. I can see it still in my mind; the endless blue horizon of the Pacific Ocean, suddenly broken by a line of islands that was Japan.  
  
I wandered the streets of Tokyo, eighteen and not really sure what I was searching for. Perhaps the thing that had left me when my father died. I sometimes think it was my heart, but now I'm not sure. Perhaps it was just my awareness of emotions in myself. After he died and we left Japan, I withdrew from the world and kept only one emotion intact; anger. Anger at all who where happy and whole, untouched by the war. Anger at those who caused it, and for those who killed my father.  
  
It was spring and the Sakura trees were in bloom along the sidewalks. I came to a hill in a quieter part of the great sprawling city with long stone steps leading up to a Shinto Temple at its peak, and something urged me to climb them and walk among the blossoming forest that surrounded the temple.  
  
It wasn't a hard hike up the many steps, as the years of training after school and on weekends proved valuable outside of tournaments. A small shrine and a few larger buildings, presumably the house of the priest, where all that broke the edge of the Sakura grove. I bowed to the shrine and walked along a well-worn path towards the trees, the calming scent cherry blossoms surrounding me. A breeze blew up and a few fallen petals floated by on the errant wind, swirling my short-cropped hair into my eyes. I closed them to better enjoy the sensations, finding a sort of restful solitude in the silent trees. The rustle of footsteps behind me made me open my eyes and turn.  
  
I met the amethyst gaze of a woman dressed in miko robes who was perhaps a little older than me. A cascade of raven dark hair flowed down her back, contrasting sharply with the white shirt she wore as part of the traditional garb. She bowed to me solemnly, than righted herself and smiled.  
  
"Konnichiwa, stranger. You are well-come to our temple," she addressed me, her entire body radiating the serenity I was named for but had never attained. The Japanese made me pause, but my mother had made it a point that I knew both languages in honor of my father.  
  
"Konnichiwa, honored miko," I intoned, bowing in return. She laughed slightly, shaking her head.  
  
"Iie, such formality is not necessary here, miss," she admonished, looking back towards the still courtyard that the few buildings were centered around. "Watashi wa Hino Rei," she added, bowing again. I nodded, thinking that the name suited her well.  
  
"Watashi wa Tsukino Serenity," I returned, bowing also. I could only hope secretly that I didn't pull something from all the bowing I would be doing during my stay here.  
  
"Ah, so you are Japanese!" she exclaimed, sighting on my traditional last name. I nodded slightly, finding myself becoming comfortable with this woman I had just met.  
  
"Hai, my father was Japanese," I admitted as the wind picked up again and a full blossom glided slowly to the ground in front of me. I stooped carefully and cupped it in my hand before it touched down, marveling at the simple beauty it held. The delicate petals were connected in a star shape around the small green center, their colors ranging from a slight pink blush to a vibrant fuschia. "He died eleven years ago, at the very beginnings of the war," I added, surprising myself with my sudden openness.  
  
"It is good you have come back to Japan," Hino-san said, startling me out of my study of the flower. I blinked at her in confusion, not quite understanding her words.  
  
"How did you know I had just returned?" I demanded softly, looking her over again. You never knew about people these days, even wise temple mikos. I knew there were still soldiers left from the war, and she was old enough to have served as something. She smiled that serene smile I was beginning to find annoying.  
  
She closed her eyes and turned her face into the wind. "The Sakura trees told me," she replied after her dark mysterious eyes opened again. There was no answer to these words, and I soon left the temple grounds. I eventually found myself in a Western style café, a cup of cocoa in my hand. I could drink cocoa at any time in the year, be it summer sunshine or bleak white winter. I was brooding, though it isn't something I like to admit. The idea of the strange woman at the temple talking to the trees should have seemed absurd to me, but something inside me told me it was to be expected. Just one more thing about old Japan that hadn't changed with the times. A slender figure sat down in the booth across from me, but it took me a moment to register this fact.  
  
"Tsukino-san?" the woman queried, breaking the loop my mind was caught in. I looked up to meet a pair of brilliant garnet eyes staring out from a dark face.  
  
"Hai- who are you?" I asked suspiciously, not liking all this attention from people I didn't know. I studied her as she opened her mouth to answer. Her thick green-black hair was pulled back in a severe bun with a few loose tendrils surrounding her dark mocha-skinned face. She wore a pair of khaki pants and a long-sleeved button-up crimson shirt that was bold but looked good on her.  
  
"Watashi wa Meoih Setsuna," she introduced herself, reaching over the table to shake my hand. She was a contrast, was Meoih-san. Dark tones, with suddenly bright colors like her eyes and shirt, Japanese in appearance but with Western practices like the handshake. "I have come to offer you a job proposition," she began, speaking lowly in the almost empty café. "Perhaps we could go somewhere more private, ne?" I nodded, intrigued despite myself. It wasn't everyday some mysterious woman comes up to you already knowing your name and offering you a job. I was currently jobless and plan- less, which may have contributed to my decision to follow her to a nearby park. We found a secluded bench underneath an old oak tree and sat down. I turned to look at her.  
  
"What's this about? How do you know me, because I sure don't know you," I added, suddenly realizing this might have been a bad idea. She looked at me calmly, my suspicious words hardly fazing her.  
  
"As I said, Tsukino-san, I have a job for you, if you'd like it," the strange woman replied, tucking a wisp of hair behind an ear. I arched an eyebrow, silently asking for more detail. "Your father, Tsukino Kenji, wasn't the everyday news photographer he appeared to be," she began and I could feel the air whoosh from my lungs in surprise. What could she possibly know about my father?  
  
"Nani? How do you know my father?" I asked, completely bewildered. She sighed, crossing her legs and leaning back against the bench.  
  
"I can see this may be hard for you to believe at first, but it's true. Your father was one of the founders of our.hmm.organization. We're called the Preventors. We are the first line of defense, or I believe a better explanation would be that we are the ones who keep an eye on everything, and put down threats before they can become real problems," she explained, tapping her bottom lip in thought. I blinked, not really sure what to make of it.  
  
"You're saying my father was a part of this- organization?" I asked, wrinkling my forehead in confusion. "Why didn't my mother ever tell me this?" I wasn't sure if I believed her or not, yet. She shook her head, looking into my eyes piercingly.  
  
"Your mother didn't know. For a long time, Kenji-sama was employed by the Japanese government to keep an eye on other countries and colonies, sort of a spy. But when the Earth began to threaten the colonies, he got out, and went freelance, starting his own task force and gathering the best to him. He had help, of course, others who disagreed with the Earth Alliance, and some non-affiliated groups. But someone found out about what they were doing, and had him and some other top officials killed. It was made to look like a random act of pre-war violence, but it was really an assassination."  
  
Her words rang of truth, and carried with them an explanation I'd searched for my whole life. Why me? Why kill him? Now I knew. It made sense. I had always known my father was special, but this- It was something great. Something to protect the world. Tears sprang to my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. My father was a hero, to these people anyway. He had always been my hero.  
  
"Why did you come to me?" I asked, the hoarseness in my voice startling me. I gripped my emotions tightly, not wanting to lose control in front of this distant woman. She seemed not to notice my struggles.  
  
"We've been keeping tabs on the only child of our co-creator. Now that you're of age, we want you with us." She reached over and grabbed my hands between her slender but strong ones. "Please, join us. Be a Preventor. You have the talent, you could go far here- Just think about it, ne?" she added, letting go and standing up, turning to leave. I knew then that I had already made up my mind. I had nothing else planned anyway.  
  
"Matte!" She stopped and turned to look at me. "What exactly does this job entail?" Famous last words, I suppose.  
  
There began my career as a Preventor. I started low, of course after I told my mother I was moving to Japan and that I'd keep in touch. I can't say she was happy about it, but by then she and I were pretty much strangers and I didn't really care. I moved into my new apartment in Tokyo and submerged myself into the job. It was research, research, research, and then some more research. Studying past records, scanning the net for information on new organizations that could mean trouble, or possible allies. I didn't meet any higher-ups for the first six months of working there. I didn't make friends with the other low-down people who worked on the same floor as me, or with those who lived in my building, either.  
  
The high-rise we worked in was only forty stories high, a shrimp compared to the skyscrapers that towered all over the country. It was a nondescript building with gray walls and large windows on the top floor. The lower stories were solid concrete, a bunker made to withstand attacks from Kami- sama knew what.  
  
I filed and processed, stamped and searched, did everything they asked of me without complaint, though it all quickly became monotonous and boring. Nobody paid attention to me, and I pretended to ignore them, though that was far from the truth. One of my forms of amusement, since I was young, was to study people. When I became mostly silent and distant at five, people began ignoring me, I'd noticed. They thought of me as a non-entity, unimportant. It was very easy to get close and study them, overhear their conversations and the like, without being noticed even once.  
  
I knew the ins and outs of the floor by the end of my first month, and most of the rest of the building at the end of three months, without ever leaving my floor. I knew that Sets was lieutenant to the feared Lady Une, and that there were eight or nine mysterious, high ranking field agents that were the pride of the Preventors. They were the ones who did the hard work, the finding and nullifying of any and all threats. There were shock troops, of course, if a larger force was needed, but they were rarely called in. I had yet to see any of them at the end of my six months. It was a rather boring time, as these things went, but years later I would wish it had stayed that way.  
  
"Excuse me, Miss Tsukino?" A voice broke through my thoughts as I typed on my desktop computer. I looked up, meeting the eyes of my superior on this floor. She seemed flustered about something, but for once I had no idea what it could be. I kept my ear low to the ground in a place like this.  
  
"Hai, Blake-san?" I murmured, locking into her with my eyes. She blinked, looking away.  
  
"You're wanted upstairs by Miss Meoih," she muttered, handing me a note and then turning and walking away. The woman had never liked me, but now being called upstairs by the second in command probably made her blood churn. I nodded and left my desk, taking the note and heading to the elevators.  
  
I wore loose khaki pants with a button up dark gray dress shirt and brown dress sandals, my hair in its usual flyaway style. I didn't really try to dress up for anything, my femininity was a casual thing that I primped rarely. I wouldn't be mistaken for a guy, but I wasn't instantly ready to walk down a runway either. I noticed an elevator door a few feet away just closing, and stepped up to grab it, not really caring to wait for another one.  
  
I stepped in, not really looking at the other man who already stood in a corner. After a long moment of silence, I realized I could feel his eyes on me. I turned to give him my best glare, which was pretty damn good, but instead was stopped when I met a pair of amethyst eyes that almost pierced right through me. He was taller than me, which isn't saying much as I'm only five feet one inch, and had incredibly long chocolate brown hair swept back in a knee length braid. I couldn't imagine having hair that long, though when I was little mine had been like that.  
  
"Do I know you?" he asked, a rich timber reverberating from his chest. I blinked and shook my head, confused. He seemed familiar to me as well.  
  
"Iie, I don't think we've met before," I said, looking away and watching the floor numbers rise. As the elevator kept going, I realized that no other buttons besides mine had been pushed. Either he'd forgotten, or we were going to the same floor. What could this mean? He spoke again.  
  
"Name's Duo Maxwell," he called to me, breaking into my thoughts. I looked at him again, and he grinned.  
  
"Watashi wa Tsukino Serenity," I finally replied, turning back to the number dial.  
  
"Tsukino, huh?" he muttered, and I wondered if he knew about my father. I'd found that most people in the building did on some level or other, but most didn't connect it with my own last name. I was saved from more conversation starters as the bell dinged, signaling my floor. I stepped out, and was intrigued to see that Maxwell did as well. I studied the directions on the note walked down the hall, looking at office numbers. I found five-seven- three and knocked, hearing Maxwell strike up a conversation with the receptionist down the hall.  
  
"Enter!" a slightly familiar voice called from within. I turned the knob and walked in, finding Setsuna facing me. She nodded a greeting and motioned that I sit down.  
  
"You asked for me, Setsuna?" I queried, interested as to what was up. I hadn't talked to her since she brought me here and introduced me to Blake- san.  
  
"Hai. You've been promoted," she stated baldly, making me blink at the abruptness.  
  
"Really? Why? I haven't been doing anything that the more senior people on my floor don't do better, or at least as good," I pointed out, apprehensive. I hoped it wasn't because of who my father had been. I didn't want to ride on his name.  
  
"Tell me, Serenity," she began, folding her hands in front of her.  
  
"Serena, please," I interupted, having always hated my name.  
  
"Serena, then. What do you know about the people on your floor? You don't socialize very often, so I'm assuming you don't know much," she quipped, slightly poking at the anger I always carried with me. My eyes narrowed slightly, and I realized this was some sort of test. So I told her everything I knew about my floor.  
  
"I know Blake is banging someone upstairs, hoping for a promotion. I know that the guy two desks down from me has an outside informant that isn't registered on the books. I also know she's a prostitute and he's screwing her," I began bluntly. "Blake's assistant is suicidal and is planning to kill herself on Valentines Day in February, two months away. The kid who works across the row from her also has a major crush and doesn't know she's mental. Probably because half the time he's strung out and the other half he's high as a kite."  
  
I kept going, weaving a net of soap opera style lives, with sex, lies, drugs, and some violence thrown in by the janitor who cleans our floor and beats his wife. She didn't blink throughout the whole thing, talking it calmly with no expression. "About the only person in that whole floor who isn't fucking, buying, or lying his way to the top is the girl who works next to me, and she's so shy she's probably a serial killer in disguise," I finished, sitting back and waiting for whatever reaction I was going to get. She tapped her lip in thought, something I realized was a quirk with her.  
  
"I wasn't aware of Miss Blake's indiscretion," she murmured finally, looking at me. "Everything else, however, is perfect information. It's been confirmed by our real research agents," she added, her dark gaze never leaving me face. I didn't blink or react to her words. "Miss Serano, the young woman you spoke of, really is just a shy girl who should be a librarian and not a Preventor."  
  
"So it's a testing ground," I stated, knowing the answer already. She nodded, a strand of dark green hair falling into her eyes and being flicked away.  
  
"Everyone who is put in there is monitored closely for a time to ensure our trust is warranted, and since most have been there for a year or two now, they won't be going any farther. I'd be pleased if you knew who Miss Blake was sleeping with, so we could take care of it," she added, looking right at me.  
  
"Some guy named Chiba, supposedly a real hotshot farther up. I've heard rumors that Blake's not the only one he's doing, either," I mused, finally taking the time to study her office. It didn't give many clues as to who Setsuna was as a person, just a sparse square with white walls and carbon- copy landscapes scattered around the room.  
  
"And yet the only person on the floor who would recognize your name is your supervisor, and only because she took a strong dislike to you," Setsuna pointed out, making me think. "You know more from six months stuck on one floor than we know about one building in ten years of setting up here. I'm sure you could regale me with information about the whole complex, if I asked you." I nodded, not sure where this was going. So I was observant, big deal.  
  
"What's that got to do with why I was promoted?" I asked finally, tired of the run-around game. She smiled a little, on to my impatience.  
  
"You've had no formal training, but you're the best spy I've seen in years," she stated, almost grinning now. It strangely reminded me of Duo in the elevator with his cocky smile. "And we wouldn't have even noticed what you were doing, except we were purposely watching you. It took a while for even our top specialist to figure out what you were really doing, too. I wish I could see his face where he is right now."  
  
"This isn't your office," I said, looking directly at the landscape of a forest which had a camera hidden behind it. She did blink this time, then laughed.  
  
"You're good. I told you she would be, Trowa," she called to the picture, where I guessed a microphone was hidden as well. "This is why you're getting promoted into our upper level training program. Not only do you have brains, but you've got fighting skills, too. We've seen tapes of the tournaments you were in. Impressive, especially since you were one among over a hundred students being taught at a time. I can only imagine what some one on one teaching will produce." She trailed off, perhaps noticing my not so amused expression.  
  
"That's all fine and dandy, but what does it mean? You aren't telling me anything I don't already know about myself," I ground out, trying to bank my temper. It would be counter-productive to blow up at my superior.  
  
"We want you to become a field agent," she explained, and I could feel my eyebrows hit my hairline.  
  
"Are you serious? I haven't even been here a year!" I cried, finding the whole thing strange. The field agents were the best, the top. Surely that couldn't include me.  
  
"True, and you won't actually go into the field for another year or so. But we're going to set up a training program with our current ten agents, which will get you ready. I believe you've already met one." I groaned, realizing she must be talking about Maxwell.  
  
"He's a field agent?" I asked in a low mutter, remembering his grin and that ridiculously long braid. She nodded, almost rolling her eyes.  
  
"One of our best, though I'm sure nobody would believe it unless they saw him work," she sighed. "That's pretty much the point, though. Nobody would expect him to be a Preventor, let alone one of the elite. He's got a good cover. His code name is Shinigami." The word struck me. The God of Death? That grinning guy in the elevator? I couldn't believe it. "You'll learn the other code names soon enough, they're fairly simple." I only nodded, still a little shell-shocked about the promotion and all that I'd learned. "You'll meet your first instructor as soon he gets in," she said as I left to clear off my desk and move up here. I could only hope it wasn't Duo, I didn't know how it would work out. I felt strange around him.  
  
And thus the second phase of my Preventor career began. My first instructor turned out to be the camera guy, Trowa. Also known as the Silencer, for reasons that weren't disclosed to me at the time. It took me a long time to realize that Duo and Trowa, as well as three other men, were the ex-Gundam Pilots. Shinigami, The Silencer, The Peacemaker, The Solitary Dragon, and The Perfect Soldier or Wing. They were in their twenties now, men far from the boys they'd been when they played key roles in the war.  
  
Trowa was a quiet man, but I quickly learned to listen when he spoke. I soaked up all he had to give about electronics and computers. I could probably build a camera from a toaster if I had to. He was their Special Ops guy, with cameras and mikes and tracking devices placed all over the Earth Sphere Alliance. There wasn't a day gone by during my training with him that I didn't wonder if my shower at home was bugged by something. It wouldn't surprise me if Duo put him up to it.  
  
As two months went by with me in training with Trowa, Duo would frequently pop up and make jokes and play pranks, often at Trowa's expense. It was odd that whenever he showed up, I had this urge to fade away, like I didn't want him to notice me. It was working, too. He almost never spoke to me. And I often wondered if that was a good thing, or a bad one. During my second month with Trowa, I was also assigned fighting instruction during the morning. My time in the office downstairs seemed so far away. I practically lived at HQ.  
  
Chang Wu Fei turned out to be my instructor, a stoic man with a painfully tight black ponytail who frowned at me all the time. I often heard him muttering about 'stupid onnas' and how unfair this assignment was. But I learned a lot from him. My skills were honed to a razor's edge, and I learned new weapons like the knife and the katana, his own personal choice over a gun. I can't say I really became close to either of them, though I respected both of them a great deal.  
  
At the end of two months, I left Trowa and went on to politics and peacemaking with Quatre Raberba Winner, a soft-spoken guy with blonde hair and a calming manner. With him, I could let my hair down a little, so to speak. I felt like I could talk to him a little easier than with the distant Trowa or the annoyed Wu Fei. He talked of his childhood before the war, which was longer than mine. I'd been five when it hit me, but he was almost in his teens. I found myself laughing at his stories about his sisters, and later about his time living alone with the other pilots. Duo would often join us and add his bit, and I began to grow comfortable around him.  
  
I don't know what it was, maybe one day I woke up and unconsciously decided this, but I realized I was attracted to Duo. And I don't mean that I had a crush on him, like some pubescent teeny-bopper in middle school. I mean he turned me on, revved my engine, made me hot. It was something totally new to me. I was nineteen now, but I was still a virgin, and had never had a boyfriend or even been kissed. My closed off attitude and unfriendly tendencies had repelled any guy who looked at me.  
  
He made me laugh, though. Something I hadn't done very much of in my life so far. And I learned something about him from that. Laughing and joking, being your basic goober, was how he'd coped with the war, the death, being Shinigami. Being fifteen and known as the God of Death can do things to your head if you don't find some way to deal with it. I'd been with the Preventors almost a year, and I was due for a new instructor soon. The sessions with Quatre became important, because Duo showed up to most of them now. A week before I was scheduled to move on to an agent couple as my new instructors, Duo informed Quatre and I that he was being deployed. That was the first time I saw the darkness in his eyes.  
  
I was worried, and I didn't know how to express it. My sessions with Wu Fei became intense anxiety releasers, and my berserker focus began manifesting itself again. I ruined three punching bags that week, but Wu Fei never said anything against me about it.  
  
"We've always got more, Serena," he would say, watching me beat one after another into oblivion. Duo was going away, and I didn't know what to do. It hit me then, that I cared about him. I didn't just lust after him, he meant something to me. The day before he left, he followed me out of the room after my session with Quatre ended. We didn't speak for a while, he just followed me to my little corner office as I grabbed my jacket and headed down towards my car. We reached the parking garage, and stopped at my slot. I turned to look at him, finally, and he met my eyes.  
  
"Serena, this one is going to be long. Maybe a year, maybe more." For once, he was straight-faced and serious, an expression I found didn't really fit his face. "I don't know when- I'll see you again," he finally got out, stunning me. He was going to miss me?  
  
"You're going to miss me? Is that what you're saying?" I asked softly, clutching my jacket close against the chill wind of early spring. He lifted his right hand up slowly and brushed it against my face, making me shiver. I tried to tell myself it was from the wind, but I don't think I believed me.  
  
"I'll miss you," he whispered, leaning in. Our lips brushed, barely a kiss, but enough to send my heart pounding and make my knees a little weak. I found it hard to swallow for a moment. He pulled back and looked at me, flashing me one of his patent cocky grins. I could only laugh slightly. I turned serious after a moment.  
  
"Just don't get killed, ne?" I pleaded quietly, after a moment's hesitation hugging him close. He was inches taller, probably eight or nine, but we fit together like puzzle pieces. His arms came around me, and I ignored the small prick of tears in my eyes, blaming the wind again. I let go and stepped away after he released me.  
  
"I'll be back eventually," he said, winking. "Don't forget me!" I stayed by my car until his back was out of sight, the tail end of his braid the last thing I saw.  
  
I said goodbye to Quatre as my instructor, but kept going to him as a friend and confidant. I eventually told him of my feelings for Duo, but it didn't surprise him.  
  
"I've known since I first met you, Serena. It isn't obvious to most people, because you keep your emotions so close, but that doesn't stop me." It was then that I learned Quatre was an empath, one would could mentally feel emotions.  
  
"You won't tell anyone, will you? I don't want to get him or me in trouble," I said softly, staring out the window across a low horizon of building tops. "I still remember what happened to Chiba and Blake when they were caught," I pointed out, turning to look at him. Technically, all that was my fault, but nobody knew that except the higher ups.  
  
"That isn't the same thing. He was demanding sexual favors in return for helping her rise in the ranks," the slightly red man explained, blushing slightly. It almost made me laugh. "You and Duo are the same rank, more or less. You're just in training," he added. I let a little relief trickle through me, but couldn't fully relax. Duo was gone for a year or more. Any relationship we had was non-existent right now. I decided there and then that I wouldn't think about him. I would set my focus totally on my training. It was hard at first, but after a while I sort of went into berserk mode without the violence, tuning everything else out.  
  
My two new instructors were a couple, Ten'ou Haruka and Kaiou Michiru, a yuri couple. It didn't bother me, so it didn't bother them, and we got along fine. Their code names were Kaze and Sea, and they had a daughter, Hotaru, who they called Firefly. She was ten, and could be found in their dual office once in a while, after school or on weekends. They were my instructors in driving. It was kind of funny, really. I had my own car, and here I was learning to drive all over again. But it wasn't car driving. I learned how to fly helicopters, jets, boats, submarines, off-road vehicles like dirt bikes and quads, basically anything you could imagine. I enjoyed watching the interaction between the family unit, as well. The way they could finish each other's sentences, or get something for the other to drink without being asked. And how they were parents to Hotaru.  
  
I'd been with the Preventors for fifteen months, and I was at my peak in fighting skills. Wu Fei refused to continue teaching me, and told Setsuna I was ready for more. So while after lunch I flew and drove, before, I learned to shoot and kill with the final Gundam Pilot, Heero Yui.  
  
He scared me. He was so cold I got chills sometimes. His eyes were blocks of deadly ice, his face a mask of emotionless frost. With utter calm he would shoot at human shaped targets and hit a kill zone every time. His code name should have been Ice. He rarely spoke, only showed me with motions or grunts what to do. Only when he was instructing firing did he speak, to correct my stance, fix my aim, tighten my grip. I left his sessions everyday exhausted and shaky.  
  
Duo had been gone six months. I realized I didn't even know what he was doing, but I didn't want to ask Setsuna. I had eighteen months wracked up. I was very close to being a full field agent. My hair had grown out, mainly from inattention, and I wore it in a loose ponytail. There were often three of us at lunch now, during my meetings with Quatre. Haruka and Michiru's daughter Hotaru would often join us, and she rarely acted her age. In some ways, she reminded me of myself at the age, serious and withdrawn. But then she would spill her juice, or trip, or Haruka would tickle her, and the images would split. Her laughter was too carefree to remind me of that time.  
  
I completed training with Haruka and Michiru, and moved on to Sally Po for medical training. She was a tough no-nonsense type of person, but she could laugh just as easily as anyone else. I learned anatomy, first aid, and field surgery. Also some basic herbs, like willow bark tea for headaches and other pains. You never knew were you'd get stuck out there, and knowing how to get rid of a headache and concentrate better could be life saving. I was only a week away from my first field assignment with the last two agents I hadn't met, Zechs Marquise and Lucrecia Noin-Marquise, another married couple, when the call came in.  
  
"Serena, I need to talk to you," Setsuna called from the doorway of the firing range where Heero and I worked each morning. I nodded and unloaded the gun, setting the clip next to it on the table before taking off my safety glasses and walking out without ever saying a word to Heero, or him to me. We entered her office and she motioned me to sit.  
  
"What's up, Setsuna?" I asked, wondering what she had to say. Maybe it was about my assignment.  
  
"We've just received a call from Duo," she said, watching me closely. I felt my heart stop for a moment. He'd been gone nine months, and no word. What was going on now?  
  
"So what did he say?" I whispered, studying her. She was tense, wound tight like a spring. Something was wrong.  
  
"He was hurt badly when the transmission came through," her words were almost inaudible, but I still heard what I didn't want to. The anger that followed me like a shadow roared to life, and I turned to look at Setsuna. She actually slid her chair back when she met my eyes. "Serena-"  
  
"Damn it, what did he say?" I demanded, my anger barely in check. I needed to get out of here, needed to kill a punching bag. Either that, or Lady Une would be looking for a replacement for Setsuna.  
  
"The organization he's deep in is having internal problems. Factions fights and the like. He's a high ranking man in one of the factions, and somebody put a hit out on him."  
  
"Oh Kami- Is he still alive?"  
  
"We don't know. The transmission is a day old at least. He said he was hit twice, once in the leg- " She paused. "He wouldn't say where the other one hit. By his posture, we think it's the chest. He was reporting to us in case he didn't live through this," she added, but I barely heard her. "Duo's a tough guy, Serena. He lived through the war as a Gundam Pilot, right in the middle of everything. He's been a Preventor for six years! This is just one more bump in the road," she ended weakly. I wasn't really listening anymore. Duo was under cover in Kami knew where, shot twice, dying or dead.  
  
"What are you doing to help him?" I asked, looking her right in the eyes. She met my gaze for a moment, but eventually looked away.  
  
"Lady Une has given direct orders that he is to be given no outside aid. We can't risk blowing his cover. He was close enough when he transmitted here. He's too deep to bring out without arising suspicion. We don't want to stir up this hornet's nest." Her voice was soft, and I knew she thought it was wrong. We had to help him!  
  
"Serena, you have been directly denied permission to get him," she warned, this time loud and fully serious. "It may not be what we want, but this is an important organization, the most important, and we can't risk it crumbling because one raw field agent went off half-cocked and blew an enemy camp wide open. Stay here!" I crumbled, then. What could I do? Nothing. Duo was in too deep, and I was too new.  
  
"We'll keep everyone updated, as soon as we learn anything new," she said finally, and I knew it was a dismissal. I walked out of her office, the world seen through the haze of my anger. I was dazed and wandering, I didn't even know where I was going. Somehow, I ended up in Quatre's office. There he was, like always, shuffling some papers around on his desk. He looked up as I came in, his eyes filled with sympathy and sadness.  
  
"Quatre," I said hollowly, falling into a chair in front of his desk. He got up and stepped around the desk and stood next to me. After a moment, he leaned down and hugged me. I didn't cry that day, but inside something was screaming, 'Do something!' It was one of the worst days of my life. Right up there underneath the day my dad died and the day my mother married Geoffrey.  
  
Five months passed, I became a full field agent, and no word came from Duo. I learned to kill during that time. Zechs and Noin, a.k.a. Wind and Water, took me with them on a routine patrol of an outer colony ring of about nine colonies. Two of them went to war while we were there, and we had to put it down. I killed a man during that time, and for a month all I could see was my father's face as he was killed in front of my mother and me. I had to do it again and again, though, and it became too much to remember. Something I didn't want to remember. I earned my code name, too. With my white blonde hair and blazing eyes, chosen weapon, knife or gun at the fore, I looked like an avenging angel. And so I became Tenshi no Shin, Angel of Death. I learned to kill without emotion, and to live up to my name of serenity while I did it.  
  
I turned twenty, and had two years with the Preventors. I was a name almost as well known in the dark belly of the underworld as Wing or Shinigami, Wind or Water. Tenshi no Shin, or Tenshi for short, was not someone to fuck with. I barely spoke to my mother, maybe once a month, and it didn't bother me. I felt a little bad for not seeing my imouto much, but shrugged it off. I doubt she even remembered me. Duo had basically disappeared, either dead or too deep to get out now. I tried to believe he was alive, but it was something I only did when I was alone, in the early hours of the morning. Like a dream that I wished would come true, but knew it wouldn't.  
  
"Serena, you should get out more," Quatre urged me, his expression worried. I shrugged, not really caring. I was not at a happy place in my life right now, and Quatre tried everything he could think of to haul me out of my blue funk. I wanted to scream at him, 'Bring Duo back and I'll be fine!' but I didn't. Duo was his friend, too. Today had just been a bad day. Wu Fei and Sally had announced they were engaged, and I wanted to die. I didn't know if I had loved Duo, or just cared about him a lot, but the chance to find out was taken from me. Seeing stoic, grouchy Wu Fei smiling tenderly at the tough-skinned Sally, who looked back at him lovingly, was not a pleasant experience for me.  
  
"Quatre, I think I'll take a vacation," I murmured, an idea lighting me up. I hadn't seen my 'family' in two years or so. I figured it was time to go home for a visit. See how much Ako had grown.  
  
My mother didn't know what my real job was. She thought I worked for a law firm or something like that. It was just an excuse to get away. I figured I might even stay till after the wedding. Who knew? I doubted Wu Fei was going to ask me to be his best man or anything! I called my mom and made the arrangements. I would arrive Sunday afternoon. Joy.  
  
I slept in my old bed that night, with familiar sheets and the same dresser and desk I'd had since junior high. It felt almost surreal, like a crazy crack dream or something. I began to think coming home wasn't such a great idea. Ilene, my mother, looked exactly the same, and so did Geoffrey. Ako, though, had grown like weed, and I barely recognized my imouto-chan. She remembered me, too. She'd thrown herself at me when I got off the plane at the airport, her little arms tight around my neck. I wasn't sure how to react, but finally I just hugged her back. Geoffrey shook my hand and my mother hugged me, and we all went like a happy little family to the car and drove home. England was as I remembered. A strange land far from the Japan I loved.  
  
I stayed for a while, almost a month. Ako and I went to the park, the seaside, to all the touristy sights in London like the Tower. She had an English accent and was very proper and sweet. It wasn't until the day of my flight back that I realized I loved her. I hadn't wanted to. I'd wanted to hate her, or at least not like her. I didn't want her family, her dad, to take the place of how mine was. She had never known sadness or hurt, or death, even Geoffrey's parents were both still alive. She was innocent four- year-old, just a little English girl with two parents, a house, and dog. Actually, they had a cat named Artemis, but that was beside the point. Instead, I loved her.  
  
"Damn, this bites," I muttered while walking through the airport with my mom and Ako. Geoffrey had to work as it was a Tuesday.  
  
"What's that you said, Sena?" my mom asked, turning to look at me as we walked. I shook my head. Even my mom called me by Ako's nickname now.  
  
"Nothing, Mom," I sighed, hoisting my carryon a little higher to ease the strain on my arm muscles. Part of the reason I was having problems was because Ako hung from my other arm, swinging like a monkey.  
  
"Do you have to go, Sena?" she whined for the millionth time, her voice high pitched and right in my ear.  
  
"Hai, I do. I've been gone for a month, work needs me back," I tried to explain for the millionth time, but I knew she wouldn't get it. I could hear my mother laughing behind us.  
  
"But why?" she asked, tugging on my left arm again. I took a deep breath and reminded myself that I loved her. 'That doesn't keep her from being annoying.' A voice told me. I totally agreed.  
  
"Because they do, Ako-chan." I spotted a booth set up right next to my terminal, and mentally cheered. "If you're good and don't ask again, I'll buy you something," I whispered to her. She giggled and made a zipping motion over her mouth, walking silently next to me.  
  
We got to the terminal and I left Mom with my bag. I walked with Ako over to the accessories booth, which sold purses and belts and hair stuff. Knowing that Ako was wild about dress up, I pointed out a red hair ribbon that would look cute in her hair. She loved it immediately, and I bought it for her. After that was boarding, and having to say goodbye to a tearful Ako. It was harder than I thought it would be.  
  
"I don't want you to go, Sena!" she cried, clinging to me like a burr. I sent my mother a look pleading for help, but she gave me one in return that said deal with it.  
  
"Ako, my flight's boarding! I have to go! I promise I'll write you," I added, prying her off and quickly handing her to my mother. I could hear her calling after me, but I shook it off, not wanting to get mixed up in anything like that again. The flight home was long and quiet, and I tried to sleep.  
  
* I had a dream. It was of Duo and I, and we were in a quiet park with the Sakura trees all around us. We lay together on the grass, green and thick around our bodies. I lay on his chest, his right arm around my shoulders. I could hear laughter in the background, childish and high, but the sun was warm and my lids grew heavy. I felt him kiss the top of my head, a tender gesture that I'd never gotten in real life.  
  
"Sleep, Tenshi, sleep," he whispered, and my dream self smiled in contentment. He smelled of grass and sweat, and mischief, if you can call that a smell. Duo would forever be looking for trouble, or creating some.  
  
"What about the boys?" I murmured, rubbing my face against the t-shirt fabric covering his chest. He squeezed my shoulder in reply.  
  
"Don't worry, they're fine. Just take a nap," he whispered into my shoulder length hair. I sighed and relaxed, trusting him to take care of me. *  
  
I woke up abruptly on the plane, the captain's voice murmuring through the speaker with the landing procedure. The man next to me was reading a magazine, and I sat next to the window. I ran a hand through my hair, trying to sweep the dream away. I carelessly brushed my cheeks and realized they were wet. I'd been crying in my sleep.  
  
I returned to Tokyo, not really any better than I'd left. The world was still fucked and Duo was still gone. Christmas loomed close as did the two year anniversary of his leaving for under cover. Wu Fei and Sally were set to marry in January, and Sally asked me to be one of her bride's maids. I couldn't refuse, but the thought made me cringe. I just hoped she had good taste when it came to dresses.  
  
Apparently good taste only applies to the bride's dress. Her maids of honor got frilly pink getups with bows in the front and back and ruffles at the wrists. I almost gagged when she showed them to us. Noin, her matron of honor, turned a sort of pale green color. It was rather amusing to watch, save that I also had to wear one.  
  
"Noin," I whispered hoarsely to her while Sally was talking to the dressmaker. She looked at me, her eyes wide.  
  
"What?" she whispered back, leaning close.  
  
"You think we can threaten the dressmaker into changing these?" I suggested hopefully, the pink of it all making my stomach churn. She looked thoughtful for a moment, then sadly shook her head.  
  
"It wouldn't be right. It's Sally's day, and she'd be upset if she thought we didn't like our dresses," she pointed out, bursting my bubble. I sighed forlornly and nodded in defeat, accepting my fate. It was only for one day.  
  
Christmas passed quickly, and I sent a card home for the first time since I'd moved to Japan. I also sent a package to Ako, a little plushy toy of a cat, it looked just like Artemis. I began have dreams at least every other night as well. They were all along the same lines, of Duo and I together in peace. It was strange, because while I knew I cared for him a lot, and missed him horribly, I didn't know if I loved him. How could I? I hadn't seen or heard from him in two years.  
  
* "Duo! Would you quit messing around! We have to go!" I cried, smoothing the silk of my black evening dress down over the bulge of my waistline. I was looking down and didn't notice him come up behind me. His arms slipped around my waist, surprising me, as he gently caressed my stomach. I turned to look at him, a smile stretching my face. He leaned down and kissed the tip of my nose playfully, then pulled back and did a spin to show off his tux.  
  
"How do I look?" he asked, grinning at me. I shook my head, laughing.  
  
"You look fine! You always look fine. Can we go now? Before he realizes what's up and won't let us leave?" I added, knowing that would get him going. His eyes darted around in suspicion, looking for an ambush more than likely. I hit his shoulder in reproof and he chuckled. I took his arm and we left our bedroom, heading towards the staircase.  
  
"I know you don't want to be late to Michiru's concert," he said, looking down at me. "So I'll hurry things along!" He scooped me up in his arms and began running down the stairs as I held on for dear life.  
  
"Duo Maxwell! Put me down this instant!" I cried, laughing loudly. We reached the bottom of the stairs and he gently set me down after kissing my stomach.  
  
"Sorry, Tenshi, you move too slow," he jibed, backing away a step. I glared at him.  
  
"If we weren't already late I'd get you back for that," I growled, folding my arms over my chest. His grin returned and he stepped up and wrapped his arms around my shoulders, leaning in for a kiss.  
  
"You can give me my just desserts when we get home tonight, ne?" he whispered, kissing me softly. I sighed as he pulled away, then glared at him again.  
  
"I can never stay mad at you!" I muttered, heading towards the front door, Duo trailing behind me.  
  
"Wha' 'bou me?" a little voice called from a doorway, and the man behind me sighed.  
  
"Busted-" *  
  
I couldn't stand it! It was like an entirely different world. I knew from the frequent dreams that the Duo and Serena in the dreams weren't in the Preventors, thought whether they had been before this time I didn't know. It was peaceful there, a peace that would never exist here. I woke up in the middle of the night for days on end, my cheeks always wet from sleep- shed tears. 


	2. Part Two The End

Finding Peace pt.2  
  
By: The Firefaery  
***  
  
The wedding rolled around and Noin and I, along with the three other bride's maids we weren't familiar with, suffered through the ceremony in our ghastly pink confection-like dresses. It was a beautiful ceremony, and Wu Fei looked so handsome in his white Chinese kimono. It took all I had not to picture Duo and I up there. These dreams were making me crazy! I didn't even know if I loved him, and here I was barely keeping myself from imagining our wedding! I needed to get back into the swing of work, try not to think about Duo. 'Two years-'  
  
At the reception, we were allowed to change, and I got out this slinky white number I'd been saving for a special occasion. I curled my chin length hair with a curler provided by the hotel we were holding it at and applied a little make up. I had to admit I looked pretty good. Noin commented on it as well.  
  
"It's a good thing Zechs is married to me, or I'd be worried he'd go after you," she joked, standing back and admiring the figure I made. I looked like a calmer version of the Tenshi no Shin I was known as. 'This might be fun.'  
  
We walked out together, and Zechs came to collect his wife. I tried not to feel jealous of all the couples around me. It wasn't their faults Duo was gone. I wanted to have fun tonight at least, try to forget that he was probably dead. I stepped up to the bar and received a few appreciative looks from the single men gathered at the reception.  
  
"Frozen margarita, please," I ordered, not caring if he asked for id. He obviously assumed I was of age, or the laws here for liquor were different from the ones I remembered in England, because a few minutes later the drink was set before me. I sipped it slowly, feeling the burn of the alcohol as it slid down my throat, and surveyed the room. The first dance between the bride and groom had happened while we were changing, not that I cared I'd missed it. The music was some jazz type stuff that I wasn't sure had been approved by either Wu Fei or Sally, but had people dancing anyway. I decided then and there that I was going to get completely smashed tonight, and forget that anybody was missing from this room. Three margarita's and a shot later, a tall man with dark unruly hair and deep blue eyes approached me.  
  
"Which party you with?" he asked while I slowly blinked at him. He seemed familiar, but I couldn't quite remember how. It was the alcohol fuzzing my brain up.  
  
"Umm- bride, but I know the groom," I managed, hoping I didn't sound as zonked as I thought I did. He nodded, and I noticed his shirt was unbuttoned slightly, showing a nice hairless chest with tan skin underneath his dress shirt. His jacket and tie were hanging over one arm, and I realized how hot it was in the room. The only thing keeping me cool was the small dress I wore.  
  
"Yeah, Chang and I go way back," he stated, and something in me rang a warning bell. I shrugged it off, determined to enjoy the night.  
  
"I've known Sally a couple years," I slurred out, taking a sip of my fourth margarita. Basically, our whole conversation was like that. With each minute that went by, he got closer and closer to me, until his body pressed up against mine. His hands were around my waist and I closed my eyes, trying to picture Duo in his place. He was whispering something in my ear.  
  
"I've got a room upstairs," he suggested, licking my ear seductively. I quivered a little, the sensation new to me.  
  
"I'm not sure-" I managed to protest before he began working his way down my throat, the little nips and sucks he gave me making it hard to swallow. His right hand slid up to the swell of my breast, and he traced it slowly. I couldn't see his expression because my eyes were closed, but the way my body reacted seemed to be telling me to go for it. He pinched my hardened nipple gently through the fabric of my dress, making me gasp softly. I didn't know what to do.  
  
"Come on- Let's go up to my room," he urged, pressing me against the wall next to the last stool on the bar. I'd kind of been hiding in the corner getting drunk when he came up. His wandering right hand slid down and rubbed fiercely against my crotch, a whimper escaping my lips. It just felt too good. I didn't know how to say no when my body screamed 'Oh Kami yes!' Two years-  
  
"What's your name?" I managed, looking up at him finally. He grinned widely, displaying even white teeth.  
  
"Chiba Mamoru," he supplied, and I got a cold bucket of water in the face. I glared at him, feeling dirty for letting this male whore paw me.  
  
"Oh really. I don't think you're here with Wu Fei or Sally, Chiba. I know for a fact you were fired from the Preventors a year and a half ago! I think you should leave now," I finished lowly, looking around for assistance bigger than me.  
  
"Who are you to tell me what to do, bitch?" he sneered, grabbing one of my breasts roughly and squeezing. I gave gasp of indignation and kneed him in the crotch, right where it counts. He crumpled to the floor, clutching his jewels in agony.  
  
"I'm the Tenshi no Shin, that's who," I murmured, walking away onto the crowded dance floor. After a moment I bumped into Quatre, who took one look at me and led me outside. I leaned my forehead against the cool glass of the outside window, letting the heat slide off of me. Quatre waited for me to catch my breath.  
  
"What happened, Serena?" he asked softly, putting a gentle hand on my shoulder. I did something I almost never do, and let go of my emotions. He pulled his hand back in shock, sea-green eyes wide.  
  
"Two years, Quatre!" I yelled quietly, not wanting to draw attention to myself. I didn't cry, but oh Kami I wanted to. "He's dead, isn't he?" I whispered, throwing myself into his arms and burying my face in the crook of his neck. He didn't hesitate to wrap his arms around me and comfort me, and I still don't remember passing out at his feet.  
  
I woke up the next day with a raging headache in a strange bed, and immediately feared the worst. Twenty and drunk in a stranger's bed, with clothes not my own on. I looked again and realized I really was wearing clothes, my own underwear and a long white t-shirt. It was better than waking up naked, I guess. I had no idea where I was, or what I'd done most of last night. My brain went fuzzy around the second margarita. The door opening across the room caught my attention, and I turned to look. There stood Quatre, shirtless with drawstring pajama pants on.  
  
"Great. Just great! Did we sleep together least night, Quatre?" I demanded, not knowing how else to phrase it. To my amusement he turned a bright cherry red and began to stutter.  
  
"N-no, oh no! I w-w-would never take advantage of y-you like th-that! I brought you h-here because I don't know where your apartment is," he managed, still red in the face. I sighed, then winced.  
  
"That's good to hear. No offense or anything, of course. I'm sure you're very good in bed," I added, just to be mean. His fading blush returned full force and I snickered, then winced again.  
  
"You must have an awful hangover. I'll grab some aspirin from the cabinet next door, okay?" the poor guy said, managing not to stutter but only just. He turned to go and I couldn't resist one last call.  
  
"Nice pj's! You've got a cute ass!" I heard a yelp as he ran into something, stoking my laughter again. My head hurt like a bitch, and I was in a surly bad morning mood to be picking on my savior like that. I lay back down with an arm over my eyes, waiting for him to return with the meds. After a minute, the door creaked again and I opened one eye to see him with a glass of water and a bottle of pills.  
  
"Here, take two of these," he said, sitting on the edge of the bed and handing me the glass of water after I sat up. He popped open the lid and dropped two pills into my hand. I took a gulp of water and sucked them down, then prayed for instantaneous relief.  
  
"Arigatou, Quatre, for helping me out," I murmured, laying back down on the bed. I heard him shift as if to get up and leave, and reached out to stop him, grabbing his hand. "Please, stay with me. I don't want to be alone right now," I whispered, pulling him back down. After a moment of hesitation, he lay down next to me and pulled me to his bare chest, wrapping an arm around me. The scene so reminded me of the park dream I'd had that I couldn't hold back my tears any longer, and began to cry.  
  
He rocked me there for hours while I sobbed into his chest, the tears a river I'd had dammed for years. I don't recall, or want to, all of it, but I can remember him murmuring into my ear that it would be all right, that everything would be fine. Quatre was the pillar of strength I needed so badly just then. By the time I ran dry, I couldn't see out of my eyes and my nose was running like a faucet. I was hoarse and tired and heart sore, but Quatre helped me into the shower and out of my dirty clothes, and I never felt self-conscious being naked in front of him. It was just a hard feeling to explain. I trusted him with me more than I trusted myself.  
  
The water ran over me, and I let it wash away the pain. It was hot and stinging against my bare skin, but I didn't care. I didn't care about anything. I was so tired of missing him. Duo Maxwell was dead, and I had to move on. I grabbed a bar of soap off the rack and started scrubbing, rinsing the suds off along with my hope of ever seeing him again. I don't remember the water running cold, but the feeling of Quatre turning off the water and wrapping a towel around my chilled body was a comfort I would never forget.  
  
He dressed me in clean clothes that he'd gotten from who knows where, and lay me back in bed, exhausted and sleepy. He slept next to me the rest of the day and night, and I had no dreams at all. Since then, Quatre has been my onii-chan, my loving big brother. I trust him like I trust no one else, even myself or my family. His words to me that long awful day are always clear.  
  
"It's all right, Serena. I'll always be here for you, you can cry with me," the gentle, soft-spoken man whispered into my ear, a light breath of wind tickling my wet hair. "Don't ever be afraid to come to me when you need anything, ever," he added, and I knew in my heart it was true.  
  
Things were quiet for many months, and I rolled around to twenty one. In June, Sally made the announcement that she and Wu Fei were expecting, and Noin admitted that she and Zechs were too. It was strange and almost uncomfortable to be around the two usually calm, efficient women as they compared baby clothes and formulas. They were due in February and March of the coming year, respectively. I could only watch apprehensively as together their stomachs slowly thickened and the two expectant fathers grew more and more annoying. The warm feeling of happiness disappeared, though, when Noin miscarried at the beginning of August.  
  
"Have you heard, Serena?" Michiru asked me quietly one morning, before I went to the shooting range to warm up. I had a mission coming up, and I needed to brush up on some skills. I quirked an eyebrow at her, shaking my head no.  
  
"Heard what?"  
  
"Noin lost the baby," she admitted sadly, her eyes expressive and filled with sympathy for the grieving couple and the horrified Sally. I felt a little jolt of shock, uncertain as to how I was meant to react. It was a tragedy, yes, but I wasn't really as close to the rest of the field agents as I was to Quatre, and perhaps little Hotaru, though she wasn't an agent.  
  
"That's very sad news," I finally decided to say, turning with my magnum and firing at the target down range. Michiru must have taken the hint, because when I finished the clip and turned around, she was gone. I hit the switch to bring the target sheet forward, and absently noticed that all shots had hit kill zones.  
  
Most active agents were out in the field, somewhere off in the colonies or a hostile country on Earth. Even the reluctant Wu Fei was off in the Sanq Kingdom on short term body guard duty for Vice Foreign Minister Darlian, once Relena Peacecraft and Zechs' younger sister. I'd heard a rumor that she might be coming to HQ sometime soon, but I wasn't sure if the data was correct.  
  
I itched to get out of the stifling atmosphere of HQ. Since the wedding, the dual expectant announcements, and Noin's tragedy, I'd basically shut down and pulled away from the group. It was too much involvement, I didn't feel as though I could risk getting that close to people again by sympathizing and comforting. I was afraid something else would happen. The field agents weren't exactly social friends, most of the time, but we did talk when we were home. I didn't do that anymore, and I think people were beginning to notice. Heero arrived back at base just before I left, a little battered but otherwise the same Perfect Soldier I'd known for two and a half years, and for some reason beyond me, decided he needed to give me a talk.  
  
"Tenshi, I know I'm not the best person to bring this up," he began out of the blue two days before I was set to go. We were out on the range, the only place we ever really met up. "You can't shut yourself off." I turned to look at him, gun pointed down at the ground with the safety on.  
  
"You're right. You're not the best person to be bringing this up, Wing," I told him emotionlessly, not blinking once as I met his dark eyes. I knew then, that he was the future I had to look forward to. I had maybe seen him smile three or four times in the years I'd known him, and he rarely spoke in complete sentences. Today must have been the exception to that, at least.  
  
"Shit happens. It happens to everyone, Tenshi. I'm one of the more fucked up ones. Lots of shit has by chance or design happened to me. I don't need to tell you that I handled it by going cold." His eyes were locked with mine, an identical gun clutched in his hand. It was like looking in a mirror, almost, except the reflection was my reverse, everything on him dark where mine was light.  
  
"Fuck you, Wing."  
  
"I'll always be a little distant from everyone around me," he continued, ignoring my comment. "Whether I want to be or not." The eyes I was caught in glazed for a moment, a memory surfacing. I doubted it was pretty. He blinked and refocused on me. "It's not too late for you. Don't throw your feelings away just because a few times you got hurt. You don't want to be me."  
  
"I don't think you want to be you, either, Heero," I whispered, anger crackling along my skin. It was the only emotion that I couldn't lose, the only thing I ran on now. And at the moment you did not want to piss me off.  
  
I left for the field, buckled down in a rinky-dink shuttle that I definitely didn't trust to get me out of the atmosphere, let alone to L-13 Colony, where there was slight infighting going on. We needed some inside data, and it was my assignment to infiltrate and get as close to the top of one side as I could. Their plans for after the civil war could very well involve attacking the Earth. Damned if I was going to let that happen.  
  
My cover was as a tech-student, just out of Uni. I had a mild background in martial arts, and a close interest with chemicals and making things go boom. My name; Sena Maldare, easy to remember and something I would answer to automatically. This was my first deep cover mission, and I reviewed the files while in flight to the colony that was known for it's research in chemical warfare and laser guided explosives. They were said to be harboring a runaway genius, wanted for getting a little too excited about a weapons experiment and blowing up a city block on L-24 Colony. Last name only, a Mizuno somebody, one more person of questionable character to add to the whole population. L-13 was a little on the shady side, that was for sure.  
  
The two main factions doing the fighting right now were pretty much a couple territory gangs pumped up on steroids in the form of some industrial backers with money who were looking for a place to test weapons freely and using the tension as an excuse. One claims to have a reason for helping the Rogues, the other a reason for cutting a weapons deal with the Hombres. The colony had a lot of Latino influence as well. The Rogues were a large minority of Americans, mainly migrants for the Texas Republic after the war that returned it to the U.S. Union.  
  
They'd carried over their general dislike of the Hispanics that crossed the Rio Grande River and took jobs in Texas illegally to the new colony, and were vying for power against the large Hombre gang. It was getting pretty violent, with the big backers who wanted them to kill each other off supplying more and more weapons. A side note on the bottom of the file was that Field Agent Shinigami, a.k.a. Duo Maxwell, had tried infiltrating the Rogues two years ago and disappeared. My heart nearly stopped when I read this.  
  
"These are the people that killed Duo," I whispered into the quiet whir of recycled air as the shuttle flew through space. "I need to get into their posse, so to speak, and find out what happened." The words were dark and choked with my anger, and a small part of me knew that people would die by my hand before this mission was completed. Duo would not go out un-avenged.  
  
*The sheets were smooth against my bare skin as I lay down in his arms. Hands traced the curves of my body, heating my blood and warming my heart. I turned to look into his beautiful eyes, and he leaned down and kissed me.  
  
"Aishiteru, Tenshi," he whispered after breaking the kiss. I smiled lovingly at him, reaching up to unbind his hair. It fell in a dark wave around us, his scent filling my mind. My hands slid up his bare chest, tracing his face, to finally bury my fingers in all that hair.  
  
"Aishiteru, Duo," I answered hoarsely as he suddenly thrust into me, burying himself inside of me as my fingers had in his mane. My legs wrapped around his waist as we continued this dance, this song for just the two of us. Our breathing filled the room, my body taut against his. Sweat beaded on my lip, but I couldn't let go to brush it away.  
  
"Oh god-" he groaned harshly, his pace quickening as my cries grew louder. Suddenly, the world lit up around us and I called out his name, his own cries following soon after. Still buried inside me, his face pressed against my neck, he whispers once again, "Aishiteru, aishiteru." Falling asleep in his arms, I'd never felt so safe in my life.*  
  
The bumping of the shuttle lock jolted me from a light doze hours later as I slid into a bay door of L-13. I'd arrived, and I was ready for some action. My weapons were carefully concealed, on my person and in my small amount of luggage. Whatever I was short on, I could buy here or go without. It wasn't unusual for a migrant to come in bearing weapons, not in this colony, so I knew the required immigration search wouldn't be very thorough. If the person packing got pissed off, no telling what happened or who came to support them, so people tended to let most everything slide by. An attendant greeted me at my hatch and helped me out, reaching in to unload my bags.  
  
"How're you today, young ma'am?" he asked politely, his smile friendly and open. I could hear the twang in his voice right away, and I smiled right back, knowing I had to get in good with these people.  
  
"Fine, though it sure was a long trip," I answered brightly as he handed me my two bags. He nodded sympathetically, checking a digital chart that he unclipped from his side.  
  
"I can understand that, comin' straight from Ol' Earth," he supplied, perusing my flight plan for a moment. I waited patiently for him to finish, sinking into the part of young and eager, bright and cheerful.  
  
"Oh, don't I know it. If I ever go home again, I'll sure stop off somewhere in the middle for a while!" I joked, grinning. He chuckled, making a few notations before he re-clipped the board and turned to me.  
  
"Sure thing, hun. Them long range straight through flights are hard on people, 'specially gentle young women like yourself." He winked at me, and I accordingly blushed, in actuality wanting to deck him for flirting with someone twenty years younger than him. I knew I looked younger than the twenty-three my ID claimed anyway, and he was still doing it. "I know a good place you can rest up, if'n you don't have no where's else to head," he suggested, and I thanked Kami for the break this could give me. It was sure to be in a Rogue neighborhood, and populated by people associated with them, too. I'd be right in the thick of it.  
  
"Oh, that would be just great, sir!" I cried enthusiastically, mentally rolling my eyes. The part I was playing was the type of girl I would plug my ears around or smack. He grandly printed out a sheet of directions for me and handed them over, grinning.  
  
"You shouldn't have no trouble at all finding it, and when you get there you tell 'em Johnny H. sent ya, ya hear?" He winked again and waved me on, never once searching my bags or my person. I nodded thankfully and shouldered my bags, heading through the bustling space port to the outside world of the colony and the crowded streets of a suburb called Becitos. There wouldn't be any kissing going on between the gangs running around in this metropolis, though.  
  
I slipped through the crowds, dressed in some faded jeans, brown boots, and a sleeveless black stretch top with a small v-neck collar. My hair was long, a special weave for this mission, and a darker blonde than usual. It was currently back in a French braid, tight to keep it out of my face. I studied his directions for a moment than headed towards the Texas District, as it was marked on the map. There were some vehicles on the road, but it was mostly foot traffic. I began to notice the crowd itself as I walked, at first an even mix of all nationalities, though with a slight majority in favor of Latinos. As I got closer to my destination, though, it leaned more heavily to broad-shouldered caucasian men and average to slightly shorter women with long hair and modest clothing.  
  
Up ahead, two men, one white, the other darker-skinned, were yelling insults and waving fists at each other. The white man suddenly nailed the dark man in the mouth, and all hell broke loose. People were running for cover, more men from both sides were pouring out of the woodwork, and guns and knives were flashing everywhere. Ducking into an alley, I figured it was a good time to get out of there. As shots rang out over the otherwise quiet neighborhood, I high-tailed it to the building Johnny H. and his directions pointed me to.  
  
Stepping into the Amarillo Bar was like walking into an Old West movie, almost. Cowboy hats and boots, guns around every waist, and the twang in people's voices so thick you could cook with it. I tried to look as lost as I could, and sure enough, the bartender behind the counter motioned for me to come over.  
  
"You look a little lost, hun," the big man said, his hair slicked back, with a stark white apron spanning his large frame. "Can I help you?"  
  
"Well, I think I'm in the right place," I began hesitantly, looking around. "Johnny H. at the dock said to come here, following these directions, but I ran into some trouble back there," I added, motioning back towards the gun fight. At Johnny H.'s name, the guy perked up and became even friendlier, smiling broadly.  
  
"Aw, now, young thing like you all the way out on L-13 by yourself? That just ain't right. Here, sit down and have a coke on the house, and I've got someone to talk to you in a sec." He motioned to an empty barstool and slid a soda can in front of me before going to talk to another man down at the end of the bar. The whole room was loud, smoky, noisy and crowded, with plenty of good ol' drunk cowboys.  
  
"What's your name, kid?" a voice asked, interrupting my thoughts. I turned to meet the gaze of none other than tall, dark, and handsome. Knowing he was expecting it, I let my jaw drop a little before pretending to catch myself.  
  
"Uh - I'm Sena, Sena Maldare," I answered, completing the picture by blushing cutely. He grinned cockily, winking at me.  
  
"Mitch there said you just got into town, you got a place to stay yet?" he asked, appearing friendly. I could see the lust in his eyes though as he looked at me. I pretended ignorance as I shook my head.  
  
"No, I haven't had time to look anywhere yet," I said, forlorn and lost. The creep nodded sympathetically, just worried about the newcomer. Yeah, right.  
  
"That's too bad," he said nonchalantly, "But as it turns out, I own an apartment building near here. I could give you a real good deal on a place, if you're interested. I like helping out damsels in distress," he added winningly, a cocky, shit-eating grin on his face again. I faked a gasp of delight, then stifled it.  
  
"Oh no, I couldn't possibly - I wouldn't want to impose," I whispered shyly, looking away. "Besides, I don't even know your name, sir." I mentally rolled my eyes at all the crap I was putting out, but it sounded so damn good!  
  
"Think nothing of it, honey. And my name is Nat Turner, just think of me as your knight in shining armor." I giggled as he winked at me. "Do you wanna check the place out now?" I nodded and he reached down and lifted up my bags, nodding to Mitch the bartender as we exited.  
  
"Thank you so much, Mr. Turner," I said again later as he turned to leave my new digs, a modest but immaculate apartment in a small building a few blocks from the Amarillo. We'd settled on a very good price, for the size and location of the apartment. He may or may not be for real, but at least I had a place to stay for a while.  
  
"Hey, you're welcome. And since you're new around here, how about I come down around dinner time and show you a great place to eat? I have a lot of friends who'd love to meet you," he suggested, and I finally smelled the rat. This guy was a pimp, and he was setting me up to meet with his clients. I barely kept myself from lunging for his throat, but I figured I could go along with it for a while. All I needed was information; I wasn't here for the long haul. Just enough to show how big a threat these people were, then HQ would call in the shock troops and we'd clear the whole colony out.  
  
"Oh that'd be great, Mr. Turner! I don't know anyone here, and I'd feel really lost going out on my own," I gushed. "You've been so kind to me, I don't know how I could ever repay you," I murmured, looking at him with star-struck eyes. Turner grinned again and patted me on the shoulder.  
  
"I'm just glad I could help. Wear something nice, I'm taking you to a club that's pretty high-end. I'm sure you brought a pretty dress in that bag," he called over his shoulder, heading Kami-knew-where. I sure as hell didn't care. The creep made my skin crawl. I headed towards the small bathroom to shower and change, and strap on a few choice pieces of my arsenal.  
  
Sure enough, at about a quarter to six, a knock on my door announced Turner's arrival. I opened it with a broad smile on my face, faking an excitement I didn't feel. A lovely bouquet of flowers tickled my nose and I squealed in girlish delight, taking them from his hand and going to find a vase to put them in. After that we left, to be met downstairs by a chauffeur and a limousine, a dream come true for any young girl. At least, I'm sure that's what Turner assumed. All these things were carefully calculated to bring the girl into his debt, while dazzling her with fancy cars, clothes, food and flowers.  
  
The club we arrived at was completely in line with everything else that day, and I did my best to gawk. The dress I wore was a modest black evening gown, one of the best dresses I owned, and the only one I'd brought on this assignment. Turner himself was wearing a tux, and so was every guy in the Gent that night. We were immediately led to a table full of other well dressed men and their dates, all of the women probably escorts provided by Turner. He introduced me around the table, and thus the bidding began.  
  
We went there every night, and over the course of three or four weeks, I saw more faces from the ranks of the Rogues then I could have ever hoped to going through my normal channels. I'd hit a piece of luck, and I was going to hang on to it for as long as possible. So far I hadn't been required to sleep with anybody, but I knew eventually it would come to that, and that's when I'd have to split back to Earth or go underground here on L-13. Then a miracle happened, and I found him. Turner had me back at the Gent, and we were walking around introducing me to more prospective clients.  
  
"Ah, Miss Maldare, I'd like you to meet a very good friend of mine, Kent Jericho. Jericho, this is Sena Maldare, a new acquaintance of mine." I didn't look up right away, but the oil in Turner's voice let me know that this guy was probably one of the top Rogue officers. I turned to look at this new player, and met violet eyes out of my dreams. Duo Maxwell stood in front of me, the only difference about him being his beautiful braid was cut. His hair barely reached past his ears. He gave no sign of recognition though, and I realized it had been over three years since I last saw him. I had been nineteen the first time I met him, now I was a woman of almost twenty-three, with hair past my shoulders and a new grace to my body from all the training and drills I'd been put through since he left.  
  
"Ah, Turner, great to see you again," Duo cried enthusiastically, pounding the pimp on the back like they were old friends. "And lovely to meet you, too, Miss Maldare," he added gallantly, kissing the back of my hand. I blushed and murmured a thank you, and tried to convince myself it was all part of the act. A small, navy-haired woman came up behind 'Kent' and placed a gloved hand on his arm, catching his attention.  
  
"Kent, won't you introduce me?" she asked softly, looking at us shyly. Turner gave her a leering once-over, but otherwise behaved himself. I felt jealousy boiling up, but I knew I couldn't say anything for fear of blowing my cover. This was all such a shock, Duo alive and relatively well.  
  
"Of course, Ami," he placated, smiling at her. "This is my younger sister, Amelia Jericho," Kent explained, pulling the woman forward. "Amelia, this is Nat Turner and his friend, Sena Maldare," he added, introducing us all.  
  
"A pleasure," I murmured, shaking hands lightly with her. Turner returned Kent's earlier gesture and kissed her hand softly, smiling at her.  
  
"What a lovely sister you have, Jericho," Turner complimented over her hand, still smiling. Amelia blushed prettily, and I nearly growled. There had been no sister in Duo's deep cover assignment, and I knew something was up. I had to find someone to get him alone, but the whole evening was a waste. All the small talk, the dropping of names, the blushes and the sighs and the female fluttering, I thought I was going to be sick. Finally, we called it a night and headed to our respective places of residence.  
  
Later that night, sometime around one, there came a knock at my door. Not sure what it could be at this hour, I opened it very carefully. Turner stood there in a casual business suit, looking very smug with himself. Dread filled me, and I knew he must have finally found the first buyer for me.  
  
"Mr. Turner, what can I do for you at this late hour?" I asked innocently, ushering him in. He turned to look at me, all semblance of the concerned knight in shining armor gone.  
  
"Sena, dear, I've been a very generous man this past month or so, haven't I?" At my nod, he continued. "I've never asked for anything in return, and I've given you many pretty things and a nice place to sleep as well, yes?"  
  
"Of course, Mr. Turner, and you have no idea how thankful I am," I said softly, a confused look on my face. At this he gave an evil grin.  
  
"Ah, but perhaps now is the time to start paying me back, Sena dear. You see, I'm a man who gives people what they want. In your case, it was a place to stay and some pretty trinkets and flowers. I also deal in rare objects, or sometimes- carnal desires?" Here he stood next to me and ran a finger down my bare arm. I shivered in disgust. "Now, all I'm asking you to do is give a little back after all I've given to you," he hissed, his hand reaching up to grip my face. "Is that too much to ask?" I shook my head, pretending a fear that was really anger. "Good. Now I have a lovely gentleman lined up to spend time with you tonight, and all I ask is that you behave like the good little girl I know you are and put this on. I'll wait out here and then we'll go." He handed me a light package, lingerie I supposed, and shooed me towards my room.  
  
Half an hour later we pulled up in front of large penthouse building, over forty floors high. Turner got out and opened my door on the other side, escorting me up to the thirty-fifth floor and knocking on the door. After a few last minute, dire warnings and instructions, he left me there to meet my fate. The revolver strapped to my left leg was definitely going to be my friend tonight. I could hear the locks and chains being undone behind the door, and then it swung open.  
  
"Oh Kami," a voice whispered, and I realized with a shock of surprise that it was Duo. He reached out and pulled me inside, locking the door behind us. Suddenly, I was in his arms and he was holding me, his shoulders shaking with his sobs. I did the only thing I could, and wrapped my arms around him, leading us to the couch and managing to sit us both down. I noticed distantly that I was crying, too, and didn't bother to stop it. I hadn't cried since that night with Quatre, but I figured now was a good time to do it again. After we cried ourselves out, he pulled away from me and looked in my eyes. "I didn't want to hope it was really you," he said, touching the side of my face as he had all those years ago.  
  
"I knew it was you from the first moment," I countered, bringing my own hand up to his face. "I waited, Duo, for so long-"  
  
"I know, but it's almost over, now that you're here." He went on to explain that after the botched transmission and his injuries, he'd been pulled even deeper into the Rogues, where he'd met the scared persona of Ami Mizuno, a.k.a. Amelia Jericho. "I would have made a break for it with what information I'd already gotten, except I didn't think I could make it with an extra person. And I couldn't leave Ami to these vultures, they'd chew her up and spit her out, after getting all her explosive genius onto computer disc." He shrugged, leaning back against the sofa in thought.  
  
"I can understand, but was there no way at all for you to get word back to HQ?" I asked softly, my words demanding. He shook his head, not looking at me.  
  
"I was almost caught the last time, and I nearly died. What would Ami do without me? I couldn't risk getting caught." Sighing, he reached over to pull me against his shoulder, but I stopped him.  
  
"So, it's Ami, is it? Of course it is," I managed, almost choking. Surprise written on his face, he stared at me. "I waited so long, and after that transmission I thought you were dead for sure. It's been almost three years, but I knew I'd never find anyone else. I came here with vengeance on my mind, I was determined to get the information I needed and kill a few choice people in the process. And then I found you were alive! Do you know what a shock that was for me?" I was crying again, and I turned away so he couldn't see me do it. Of course he would find someone here. She was right in front of him, someone who needed his help. What did I know, anyway? I was just a kid the last time he saw me, no something to set your hopes on for four years.  
  
"Oh, Serena," I heard him say. A hand slid under my chin and I let him turn me towards him, ready for him to tell me how stupid I was for loving him this long, for dreaming of something that would never be. I looked up, into those eyes that had haunted me for so long, and barely held back more tears. I really did love him. How stupid. "Don't you know, Ami is just like a sister to me. The poor kid, she had no idea what she'd gotten mixed up in when I first got wind of her. I got her out of all that, and set her up as my kid sister up from Earth. Nobody would touch her that way. All we were waiting for was a chance to get out of here." He paused and traced my bottom lip with his thumb, a gesture that made my heart thud in my ears. "There wasn't a day gone by that I didn't think of you, not one," he whispered. "I even dreamt of you, of a future that could never happen," he added, shocking me. I pulled back in surprise.  
  
"But I dreamt of you too!" I cried, my hands gripping his arm. "I dreamt of many things, like children, and a home, our wedding- making love," I choked out, reaching up to touch his cropped hair. His eyes were wide with shock, and I realized we dreamt the same things, the same settings. "I love you."  
  
"I love you too, Serena," he whispered, then suddenly he was crushing me to him, his lips against mine in a kiss I'd dreamed of forever. His hands were on my body, in my hair, his teeth and tongue torturing my mouth. The heels Turner had made me wear were off across the room somewhere and he was lifting me up like I was a feather and taking me off to what I assumed was his bedroom. His arms were around me, fingers searching for the zipper of the red little number I wore, while my own hands tore at the buttons of his shirt and the fly of his slacks.  
  
Somehow we made it to the bed, somehow his mouth found my breasts, somehow he found his way inside me. The first moments were painful, his expression startled as he realized I was a virgin, but soon my cries were joyful as we moved together as one. I'd never felt anything like it, never been so close to one person in my life, and I never wanted anyone else except him. He slid in and out of me, my fingers clenched inside his hair, as my body tensed. Finally I came with a long deep moan, heat rushing over me, filling me to the brim. He joined me in a moment, a warmth spreading inside me from him. We lay together in the tangle of his sheets, sweat streaking our bodies, the smell of sex hovering in the room, and I smiled contentedly.  
  
"Aishiteru, Duo." I nuzzled his neck, his smell filling my nose. He pulled a blanket up to cover us and I fell asleep quietly, easily, for the first time since he left.  
  
Needless to say, now that he had the support he needed, the two of us plus Ami cleared that place out quick. Plenty of gunfire, people going down, I tried not to flinch when a .45 round landed in my shoulder. Duo didn't notice, and eventually we made it to a ship that he'd gotten the codes for. The three of us piled in, me on the edge of consciousness, and we were off, back to Earth. Kami-sama, but it felt good to be going home, was my last thought before I hit the deck.  
  
All that was two months ago, though. I'd woken up alone in the medical wing of HQ, drugged and confused with my shoulder killing me, and no Duo in sight. Sally Po came in glowing, her stomach round with Wu Fei's baby and a chart in one hand. She explained that Duo was getting debriefed along with Ami Mizuno, and that as soon as I felt up to it, it would be my turn. I nodded shakily, and a few days later stood with a stoic face as Lady Une, Zechs, Setsuna, and Relena Darlian of all people fired question after question at me. I still hadn't seen Duo. It was like the whole thing was a dream. After I got out of there, it all hit me like a ton of bricks and I couldn't deal. With no word from him and too many confusing things going on in my head, I asked for a leave of absence and got it, indefinitely.  
  
Now here I am, back in England, pregnant. No need to explain who the father is. I turned twenty-three last week, with only Ako to celebrate with. I've never felt so alone in my life. I first suspected I was pregnant when I missed my first period after that night on L-13, but I didn't really want to believe. I finally talked myself into taking a test, and low and behold, I was carrying Duo's baby. I went to an obstetrician right away, not about to screw up something so important, and got it confirmed. Now I'm on pre-natal vitamins and a special diet and exercise program. I haven't talked to HQ since I left on vacation, and there seems no use in trying to get a hold of Duo Maxwell, the stupid jerk. I'm pretty resigned to dealing with this on my own. I got a hair cut, back in the old style when I first joined the Preventors, and my own apartment an hour away from my mom's. I don't need anyone.  
  
"No, no one at all," I whisper to my empty flat, one hand on my stomach and the other on my broken heart.  
  
About a week later, I'm painting the nursery just for the hell of it when the buzzer of my flat door rings. I set down the brush and walk back through the apartment to answer it. It buzzes again as I'm walking there.  
  
"I'm coming!" I yell, annoyed. Close to fuming, I swing open the door to be met by a face full of wild flowers. "Oh," I cry, even before looking to see who it is.  
  
"Serena?" an all too familiar voice asks tentatively, and I turn to meet those damn violet eyes. I can't seem to escape him.  
  
"Hai?" I sigh, letting him inside. He follows slowly, like a lost puppy. I watch him look around, and I find myself hoping he likes it. I head to the kitchen for a vase as he shuffles his feet in nervousness, I guess.  
  
"I've been trying to get a hold of you for months, now, since we got back," he starts, confusion in his voice. I feel a twinge of guilt. "I was getting worried about you, but then Quatre mentioned you had family in England, so I flew here. Your mom gave me this address." Finishing, he comes into the kitchen with me and rests a hand on my shoulder. "Are you all right?" I turn to look at him.  
  
"Iie, I'm scared. We got back, and it all seemed so crazy, so unreal, what happened. I couldn't seem to deal with it, and I couldn't find you, so I came back to the only place where most people wouldn't look for me." I laugh slightly. "Most people, except you." He smiles that grin of his, and leans down to kiss the tip of my nose.  
  
"I'm just glad you're not mad at me. I came here to ask you something, and it would've really sucked if you were mad at me," he admits, putting an arm around me and pulling me in for a kiss. I melt, wondering how I could have felt so confused when I felt so safe in his arms. What his question is, I can't imagine, but I don't know how to tell him what's on -my- mind.  
  
"What question?" I ask to stall for time. He suddenly turns nervous, suddenly can't look at me. Something in my hair catches his attention.  
  
"Is that paint in your hair? What're you painting?" he cuts in, pale green paint on his fingers. I laugh, knowing it will be okay. I love him too much for it not to be.  
  
"The nursery, of course," I answer softly, apprehension filling me anyway. He nods absently then starts choking on air. I almost start laughing, but the situation is too serious. He touches my face, his eyes questioning.  
  
"Tenshi, are you serious? You're- we're having a baby?" he asks, an emotion I can't read in his face. I can only nod in answer, my throat too thick for words. I want him to be happy, to be excited. He picks me up in his arms and kisses me breathless, then lets me go again, reaching into his pocket for something. "I came here wanting to ask you this before I even knew- knew about our baby, but the timing is perfect," he adds, going down on one knee. My hands go to my mouth in shock. "Serenity Tsukino, you have been my hope in a world where I was lost in darkness. You would make me the happiest man alive or dead if you would marry me," he asks, opening the ring box in his hand to reveal a platinum band with a small diamond in the center. It's so beautiful it takes my breath away.  
  
"Duo Maxwell, I'd be a fool not to, after everything we've been through. Just promise me that we'll get out of the Preventors, for now at least? I can't stand the thought of our baby growing up without a parent like I did," I plead, knowing somehow that he'll do anything for me. Tears are in both of our eyes as he slides the ring onto my finger, and I know that in all my dreams of the future there was a grain of truth.  
  
"Will you show me the nursery?" he asks, looking around the room with his hand wrapped around mine. I laugh, more happy than I've ever been in my life.  
  
"I'll show you everything!" I cry, leading him deeper into my apartment, and my life. This is our way of finding peace. We start a family and a life today, together. I don't know where it will all go from here, but as long as I have him, and I don't have to dream, then I know we'll be happy together. 


End file.
